Thursday, July 15, 2004

Tigers and Protesters and Me, Oh My!

Via Steve H.

Man, do I ever love shit like this.

In short: Weirdo lets pet tiger escape. Pet tiger tries to maul animal control officer. Officer shoots tiger dead. Weirdo and assortment of people from among the bottom dodecatile of human intelligence make public asses of themselves expressing anger over fact that officer didn't try to first lull tiger to sleep with a violin concerto rather than shooting it.

You know, while the tiger was lunging at him.

State wildlife officials defended themselves against an onslaught of criticism Wednesday for killing Bobo, the nearly 600-pound tiger that made international headlines by escaping from a former Tarzan actor's home.

Since the shooting, which happened a few hundred yards from the 5-acre C Road compound where Steve Sipek lives with five other exotic big cats, local residents have harassed wildlife officers about Bobo's death. The agency has received thousands of irate e-mails and calls from around the globe.

I guess the animal control officer is lucky we never signed on to the ICC. Otherwise, he might be facing charges of crimes against felinity. I'm sure Belgium will still indict him.

As well-wishers visited Sipek Wednesday to offer condolences and express their rage and frustration with state wildlife authorities, he fought back tears while offering
his account of the killing."

They murdered him in cold blood," Sipek said. "They killed a poor, defenseless animal. They killed him deliberately."

Eh. Most people wouldn't consider shooting an animal that is about to eat your face off as being "in cold blood." Also, tigers have done a remarkable job on the natural selection ladder (you know, feared predators, top of the food chain and all) for being poor and defenseless. I always thought tigers were kind of tough or dangerous or something. But I'm sure this guy knows better. He's an animal expert (though his expertise at keeping the things chained up seems to be waning).

"I'll get 50 more tigers. They think Tarzan is crazy, but he's not," he said. "They've been trying to get rid of my animals for 35 years. I'd like to see them do that now. I'll die with my babies."
I don't think Tarzan is crazy. I do think a guy who once played Tarzan and still refers to himself in the third person as such is a fucking nutter, however.

The best part of this story is the gaggle of maroons who have descended around Sipek to denounce the animal control authorities for being big meanies and killing the cute widdle iddums who only wanted to eviscerate that grumpy ol' officer. On the news page linked above, there's a video segment of a woman complaining that the officer didn't try to first use a tranquilizer before resorting to a rifle.

Tranquilizers take 6 minutes to work on a tiger. By which time the tiger would be polishing off his second helping of the guy's entrails, just in time for a post-snack nap. Stupid bitch.

I have nothing but the most generous helpings of contempt for these unthinking simpletons, not least because I encounter similar viewpoints all the time where I live. To them, a tiger is rare and beautiful, pure, innocent and representative of the natural beauty of the Earth Goddess. Humans on the other hand are numerous, boring, fat, ugly, drive mini-vans and eat at McDonalds. They'd side with the tiger any day.

A little over a year ago, I recall there were a series of news stories about a grizzly that was being hunted down because it had killed a human. One of my housemates was upset that the poor dear was going to meet his end. After all, bears are endangered. Humans are fucking everywhere, so really, what's a few people compared to this wonder of Nature?

So I mauled him.